Babies, Bathwater & a Bedtime Story
by JellyBean30
Summary: HAMERON SMUT! Includes horrible use of the story 'Pat the Bunny'. ONESHOT


**Title: **Babies, Bathwater & a Bedtime Story  
**Author:** JellyBean30  
**Pairing(s):** House/Cameron  
**Warnings:** Kind of smutty, kind of funny, definitely disturbing if 'Pat the Bunny' was your favorite childhood book. (Or a favorite of your kids)

**Babies, Bathwater & a Bedtime Story**

House opened the front door and limped inside, tossing his bag into the corner. The TV was off and the living room was empty. Cameron never went to bed this early unless she was sick, and she'd been fine when she left the hospital a few hours ago.

"Cam?" House called as he took off his jacket and flung it into the hall closet. "Cam?" he called a second time, a little louder.

"We're in here taking a bath," Cameron's voice floated out to him. _We? That could be promising,_ House thought and he limped down the hall to the bathroom, hooking his cane on the archway molding as he went.

He entered the bathroom to find not quite the scene he was hoping for, although not an unpleasant one by any means. In the tub, seated in a pink and green bath-seat, was a thirteen month old baby, happily splashing and kicking. Somewhat more pleasant was Cameron, kneeling on the floor and bent over the side of the tub, giving House a perfect view of her ass. Aside from everything else about her, her ass had always been one of her best features in his opinion.

"Well, that's not quite the 'we' I was hoping for," House said. "But it'll do."

"Why's that?" Cameron asked without turning around. She didn't even ask what 'we' he'd been hoping for; it was House and she could pretty much fill in the blanks.

"It's giving me a great view of your …"

"GREG!" Cameron shouted. She finally leaned back on her feet and turned to face him. "Not in front of the baby, please."

"She's one. She has no idea what I'm saying," House protested.

"Just because she doesn't understand it doesn't mean she can't repeat it," Cameron admonished him. "If she goes home saying that, Jimmy and Lisa will never trust me with her again."

"What a shame," House drawled but not with his usual venom. He actually didn't mind the little creep hanging around, as long as she wasn't spitting up or peeing on him.

"Greg, they hardly ever ask us to baby-sit, and she's never been here overnight before. Don't ruin it for me, okay?" Cameron asked. House acquiesced; he really couldn't refuse her anything. Cameron turned back to the baby and began rinsing the last of the soap from her hair. She fussed, as babies do, and House decided to be helpful.

"Hey Crabby," House said. Abby perked up immediately at the sound of his pet-name for her, and looked up at House. He made a face and she giggled. He made another and she giggled louder. Cameron smiled. She knew he loved this kid, no matter what he said. House made another face and this time Abby splashed spectacularly, soaking Cameron from head to waist.

"Gr-e-e-g," Cameron moaned as she turned to glare at him.

"What?" House said innocently. "Now she's clean and you're gorgeous." He stared at Cameron; her soaked t-shirt was giving him an excellent view of her nipples and he grinned wickedly. "Maybe when you're done, Aunty Allison and Uncle Greg can take a bath," House said to Abby. She giggled again. Cameron lifted Abby from the tub, wrapping her in a fluffy white towel and standing up.

"Since I'm already wet," Cameron said, and leaned up to give House a good, long kiss.

"I'll refill the tub," House said.

"Give me ten minutes to get her dressed for bed," Cameron said, putting a little extra wiggle in her walk as she carried Abby out of the bathroom.

Ten minutes later, Cameron entered the now steamy bathroom, still carrying an assortment of baby items to return to Abby's overnight bag. House was already sitting in the tub, soaking his leg in preparation for what he hoped was going to be a very busy night.

"I loved this book when I was little," Cameron commented absently, as she placed Abby's bedtime story on the counter and began placing lotion, baby powder and dirty clothes in the bag. House leaned forward and snagged the book from the counter.

"Pat the Bunny," House read. "I like it already." Cameron rolled her eyes as she shed her clothes. She stepped into the tub between House's legs and leaned back into him. "Shall I read you a bedtime story too?"

"It's not terribly romantic," Cameron said. She closed her eyes and relaxed against his chest.

"Nonsense," House said. He cleared his throat dramatically. "_Pat the Bunny. Here are Paul and Judy. They can do lots of things. You can do lots of things too._ Hmph, if Paul and Judy had any idea…"

"They'd be scarred for life," Cameron joked.

"_Judy can pat the bunny. Now you pat the bunny,_" House read.

"The bunny?" Cameron asked saucily. "I thought you preferred Thor."

"You know, this would be much more fun if you played along," House whispered in her ear. And Cameron, despite the fact that he was reading her a children's bedtime story, felt a wave of heat race through her body. Obligingly, she reached her arm around her back and placed her hand on him, rubbing gently up and down. She could feel him stiffening at her touch and decided maybe playing along wouldn't be so bad.

"_Judy can play peek-a-boo with Paul. Now you play peek-a-boo with Paul,_" House read. Cameron grinned; she didn't need any inspiration from House to follow that instruction. Twisting around so that she was on her knees facing him, she ducked her head under the water and licked him from base to tip slowly. When she came back up for air, she smiled at him.

"Peek-a-boo," she said as she twisted once more and leaned back into his chest. House grinned at the back of her head.

"_Paul can smell the flowers. Now you smell the flowers."_ Cameron was stumped there; nothing even remotely sexual came to mind. She felt House lean his head down closer to her. She felt his lips on her earlobe before he whispered to her. "Your hair makes my pillow smell like flowers." A smile played on Cameron's lips; a romantic sentiment from his lips was sometimes the hottest thing he could say.

"_Judy can look in the mirror. Now you look in the mirror,_" House read.

"I can't see the mirror from here," Cameron replied.

"If you'd just let me have one installed on the ceiling above the bed," House answered back.

"Greg," Cameron said.

"Allison."

"I'll consider it," she relented.

"_Judy can feel Daddy's scratchy face. Now you feel Daddy's scratchy face,_" House read the next lines. Cameron wiggled against him slightly.

"I do love the scratchy face," Cameron said. House responded by rubbing his stubble up and down her neck gently. Cameron moaned and leaned back harder, pressing herself against his erection. House growled low in his throat and Cameron tingled. Goosebumps broke out on just the left side of her body, the side that House was rubbing his face against. She really didn't know why that happened, but it never ceased to amuse him.

"Your other side is jealous," House commented against her collar bone, and they traded sides. House kissed and licked his way down the right side of her neck, excited as always to watch her skin react to his touch.

"_Judy can read her book. Now you read Judy's Book. Hear the tick-tick, bunny? How big is bunny?"_

"_Soooooooooo big_," Cameron interjected, reaching her arm behind her once more to prove her point. House growled again as she caressed him and decided he wanted to read the end of this fast.

"_Bunny is eating his good supper._ Oh, I will be, believe me," House whispered breathily to Cameron and she shivered in anticipation. _Sss-sh! Bunny is sleeping."_

"He better not be," Cameron said, although she could feel for herself that she needn't worry about that.

"_Paul can put his finger through Mummy's ring. Now you put your finger through Mummy's ring,_" House dropped his hand from the side of the tub and slid one finger inside Cameron. She gasped.

"That's not a ring," she panted.

"I'm paraphrasing," House replied. Cameron didn't protest any further, deep in the throes of passion as she was. She was very near her climax when House backed off, leaving her panting and unsatisfied.

"_That's all," _House read.

"That is SO not all," Cameron said. "Come on." She stood up and stepped out of the tub, holding a hand out to help House out. He handed her the book first and then stood himself.

"You didn't read the end," Cameron said, glancing at the last page. _"Bye-bye. Can you say Bye-bye? Paul and Judy are waiving Bye-bye to you,_" Cameron read. House flexed Cameron's favorite muscle in his own twisted bye-bye gesture. "Only you could make children's literature sexually explicit."

"I'm multi-talented," House said, wrapping a towel around his waist.

"Multi?" Cameron asked suggestively. House grinned. He pulled her close, untying the robe Cameron had put on and reaching his hands down to that most sensitive spot. Two or three quick circles later, Cameron was crying out against House's bare chest while he supported the weight her now trembling legs could no longer handle.

"That's one," House said. "How many can you stand?" he taunted her.

"How many can you provide?" Cameron shot back. House got a look on his face that in any other situation would have frightened Cameron. It was a look that said 'I accept your challenge, you're going down'. Cameron stepped boldly to him and leaned up to lick his lips softly.

Cameron and House entered their bedroom and disrobed before the door had even closed behind them. Cameron crawled onto the bed seductively, although no seduction was needed. She reached the headboard and was turning around when she felt House's arms encircle her waist. He ran his hands up her sides to her arms, placed her hands on the top of the headboard and pulled her up to kneeling, her back to him. When he pressed himself against her, Cameron turned her head to him.

"Your leg…" she began. House kissed her hard, swallowing her protest. Reaching his left arm around to steady her, he used his right to guide himself inside her waiting entrance. Cameron broke their kiss and gasped. She leaned back slightly to take him deeper. House wound his right around her waist and reached down to rub her clit once more. Thrusting deep within her and rubbing her as he was, it was only a few minutes before Cameron was climaxing again.

"That's two," House said in her ear, obviously pleased with himself. Cameron was sure she'd be hearing about this for weeks and probably so would Wilson, but at that precise moment she just didn't care.

House withdrew from her and laid down, Cameron quickly climbing atop him. She lowered herself onto him and rocked her hips slowly. House closed his eyes and concentrated. He wasn't going to come until she did again. Cameron reached down and grazed her fingers over his nipples. House shuddered. Desperately trying to control his climax, he reached his hands forward to Cameron's center once more. Sensitive to even the slightest touch now, he'd barely rubbed her and she began bucking her hips wildly, crying out her third orgasm. House thrust deep into her and felt his own climax roar through his body, tingling every muscle and nerve until even his toes curled.

"Three," he panted out, as Cameron collapsed beside him with tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Remind me to give Abby a huge kiss in the morning," Cameron breathed. House smiled against the top of her head, breathing in her floral-scented hair as she snuggled against him.

When Wilson and Cuddy arrived early the next morning to pick up Abby, Wilson was surprised to find House was out of bed and dressed. As Cuddy and Cameron discussed Abby's dinner and bath, House picked up the diaper bag from the table and handed it to Wilson.

"Next time the creep is staying over, make sure you pack 'Pat the Bunny'," House said.

"Okay," Wilson said slowly. "Why?"

"Let's just say, it helped us get the best …"

"Greg!" Cameron shouted.

"…night's sleep we've had in a while," House finished. He winked at Cameron, who blushed appropriately.

In the car, Wilson turned to Cuddy. "After we put Abby to bed tonight, let's read 'Pat the Bunny."


End file.
